STEADFASTNESS IN BEING DIFFERENT!
“Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And lt steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-3
Yesterday I was told, “you are different”, as I have been told “you act like a child,” as well, neither in a positive way. And I acknowledge both as being true, thanking God for these two gifts.
My life has been shaped by three experiences, all of which intermingle, and are vary much a part of each other: my relationship with Jesus, and the Church, and my time living on the street as a whore, and my years in ministry on the street.
The Church introduced me to Jesus, and threw me out when I questioned my sexuality, in doing so we came to see her as a place for broken, beaten, people, who hurt others, and yet through the Holy Spirit that brokenness finds healing and transforms the world. Like a mustard seed it grows in the middle of the weeds. The Church is people, and as a result she hurts others in many ways, and yet at her best she brings much joy, and provides so much hope. As Dorothy Day once said, “The Church is both a whore, and our holy mother.” Nothing in this world is black and white. That is why we need to let down our blinders and be gentle with one another.
People are always asking me about my time living on the street, being a whore, and now. I say little, unless we talk in general terms, which frankly glorifies both. Our time living on the street was a horrible, devastating, and yet redeeming time. We saw, experienced and lived in a world violence, hopelessness, hunger, fear, and pain every day. It was a time of not knowing what the next minute brings, where the next meal would be coming from, when there would be a meal, and a warm place to sleep, and with no hope of getting out of that world. It was, and is a very dark place to be and live. As the unknown author says, “The street transforms every ordinary day into a series of quick questions and every incorrect answer risks a beat down, shooting, or a pregnancy.”
Each day the street offers offers death both physically and spiritually. It is not a place to glorify. Yet it was a time of transformation, in that we met Jesus again, and in a new way, making days on the street both then and now, days of grace.
I have PTSD from those days, and my experiences here in the last 25 years, it comes with the territory, and I see in it a gift of God, my thorn in the flesh.
The Church was not present, never did I find any pastoral care on the street, the only time we saw religion on the street was when we had groups pounding the Bible on our heads, offering a salvation that made one sick to your stomach, or other groups trying to draw us in for their own personal ambitious purposes. Most of which were demonic.
And now I continue to see violence, hopelessness, fear, and a lack of meaning on the street. It is not pretty, it is not artistic, it is raw. And it is not pretty, but painful, to see people walk by and not give a damn. The street was scary, painful, and fear provoking and still is, and yet by learning to be steadfast in Christ, we have grown, and continue to grow, and in so doing our life is being transformed, and we are like a child, open to the wonder of the world, accepting with out judgment others. We live in no tribe. We are damn proud when people call us “different”, and tell us “you act like a kid,” for it means the Holy Spirit is working in our life. It means we are not stuck, but growing.
Last week the dad of one of my friends paid me the greatest compliment, saying, “I see you with the kids, and it appears you are a big kid, just like them, and then as I take my time and observe you closely I see that you are an adult, guiding, and caring for them, without them knowing, and that is why I never worry when he is out with you, I sleep soundly.”
My greatest learning is in being steadfast in Jesus, trusting in him, and that we are all equal, we are all broken human beings, and it is in walking with one another as equals that growth and redemption nurtures and develops.
My friend the Reverend Gregory Weeks wrote this piece, which sums up in a more “adult” manner, (Greg is the real adult here) the way in which Jesus calls us to follow him:
“If you stray to the right or the left, you will hear a word that comes from behind you: “This is the way; walk in it.” –Isaiah 30:21
One of the most profound revelations I’ve ever come across is that we are programmed to be either liberal or conservative. We’re predetermined to traditional values and vote Republican, or to lean toward progressive ones and vote Democrat. Jonathan Haidt, in his book The Righteous Mind, explains this in detail.
So, whether we stray to the right or to the left, there are people straying in the opposite direction, thinking they are just as correct as we think we are. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “I think I’ll be dense today.” We all wake up looking at the world through the lens with which we’re born.
I guess the beginning of wisdom is to work on this humility thing. To expand my field of vision, don’t I need to try and look through others’ lenses?
Maybe a good start is not getting so upset because the “other side” just doesn’t get it. They’re just as upset at us as we are at them. So, why not just learn more about what they’re thinking and why they’re thinking it?
Full disclosure: I will never vote for Donald Trump. Yet really good people wear MAGA hats. So, what am I missing? And what are they missing? We’ll never know unless we stop talking at, and start listening to, each other.
Jesus envisioned a community where we could all come together, acknowledge our limitations, and accept each other as equally flawed, equally promising brothers and sisters. In so doing, we hear the Christ’s voice calling from behind, “THIS is the way. Walk in it!”
It really shouldn’t be all that difficult, should it?”
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Father River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min., D.S.T.
P.O. Box 642656
San Francisco, CA 94164
http://www.temenos.org
415-305-2124