“When We Judge–We Judge Ourselves”

March 30, Dn. 13:1-9, 1-17, 19-30, 33-62; Jn. 8:1-20

it is easy to project onto people our own stuff. a young man,, i guess he is young, 35, commented to me today that he has known me since he was 20, and that i  have never once judged him. he has always felt accepted by me. i am criticized for not bringing judgment, for not setting forth solutions, or trying to place my own solutions on others–the truth is–how can i judge, a former sex worker,  the chief of sinners, it would be hypocritical.  to judge wastes energy, and time, and brings grief. our won nation continues to impose its own ideas on other nations–to the detriment of everyone. in the scriptures these men are judging, when they should point the fingers at themselves. in the morning paper we have an article about the wealthiest supervisors trying to outlaw massage parlors because of prostitution, all about judgment. in the eyes of some they are simply making a living. judgment is destructive because we put our own shit on others, rather than judging others we should look at ourselves and from their we can move into more creative directions. people are always judging me because i am not “roman catholic”,  i work with street people, they say some of the cruelest comments, judging, criticizing, so how can i judge.

visited alice in nursing home. we went outside and it was enjoyable to look at the yard;  23 year old nick came by. he is gay, from Tennessee, mental illness, living with a transgender sex worker, she wants him out. he is severely depressed;  dinner with my cousin mike, separated from his wife, struggling with trying to find who hell he is at 60, wants to have kids, outreach, 18 year old Danny hung out for several hours. gay, in the foster  care system all of his life, ran away from it. now living on the streets. bed at 2:00 a.m. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

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March 27, March 28, March 29

March 27, Jn. 7:1-2, 10, 25-30: “Not Meeting People’s Expectations”

The leaders of the temple were disgusted when they found there was no prospect of worldly advantages to come from Jesus.  People often do not understand me, they get upset when I tell them my mission is to simply “Be a presence in the moment”.  After all what use is that, what does that accomplish.  But you see the moment is all that we have.  I took Alice her picture of the coastline, she loved it. Went to Pacifica, walked the beach, went to bed at 10. I needed the space, the peace and quite. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

March 28 Jn. 7:40-53 “No Portforio”

Fifteen years ago when I came to San Francisco and started this ministry I was told repeatedly “You have no portfoio, how can you do this ministry.”  Well fifteen years later I am doing this ministry and I have in the eyes of many a “portfoio”. For ultimately it is like Jesus it is what you do that counts.  I spent day walking the beach, taking pictures, mass, and dinner at Peter’s. Bed at midnight. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

March 29: Jn. 12:20-33: “Living Through the Pain of Life and Fighting the Good Fight”

Jesus lives deeply through the pain of life. He was not even sure himself if there was anything after death at times, but he persevered.  I am at an Episcopal Church in Sonoma sitting in front of the markers of people who have died.  Most of them are with in twenty years of me. My time is coming, sooner rather than later. I can not escape death, but Jesus holds the hope of the resurrection.    As I look back on the last ten years I see that a lot of my problems has been fighting the reality of my own mortality, but as I come to accept death and embrace life I can live each day to its its fullest.  I can fight the good fight.  Three masses this morning,  Sonoma youth group, home to dinner with Stephen. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

“People Pay Little Attention to Jesus but Plenty to their Ego”

Jn. 5:31-47–March 26

Jesus was saddened by the unbelief and evil that was around him.  He was slighted and undervalued, because people admired and over valued themselves. Many who make a great profession of religion, how they are lacking in their love for God by their neglect and contempt–lack of love for the poor and all of their neighbors, their arrogance..  People want the praise and applause of the world.  We see that going on around Obama now. Various religious leaders are so caught up in him they see nothing else, and in the process sell out.  They are so overwhelmed with having access to power they lose sight of what is important. It is our love of God, that is living and active in our hearts which is our life.

great birthday. cooked evening dinner, lunch with maria, dinner with ken, served meal, and did outreach.  great day. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

“The Annunciation–A Journey of Faith”

Luke 1:26-38

Isaiah 25:1-8 portrays images of hope–that God will provide. In Numbers 13 tells how the chosen messengers of Moses people reconnoiter Canaan for forty days. Whey they returned, their words spread fear, although reported that it flows with “milk and honey”. Fear of challenge and of what might happen means death for those who are are without courage (Numbers 14:37-“the men who brought an unfavorable report about the land died by a plague before the Lord. ” The people with Moses want to turn back even if it means living in a land without freedom and not in their own homeland. Whenever you stand at a door that opens to something new, there is both a drawing you on and something holding you back. You are caught between hope and fear. Tomorrow is my birthday, a year older, and I get concerned about the years becoming limited, and yet I move into the new year in hope. People comment I do not plan for the future, I live day by day–and I do, I do live day by day, for that is all we have. I will embrace each day, and live it out to its fullness. I have a friend who lives in fear, constant fear of no money etc, and I refuse to live in that fear, I live like Mary trusting in the God who is with me, and leads me into the future, and knowing that each day is his, and that in the end all will be well. Rejoice in the Lord! again I say rejoice!

Visited Alice in he nursing home; she was really lonely and glad to see me. Went to see “Last House on the Left”, scary movie; outreach until 1:00 a.m.  It seems quiet on the street, but in the corners I find them, hungry, needing needles, cold, tired. Bed at 2:00 a.m. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

God Notices

March 24, Jn. 5:1-16

Many of us become impatient, whenever we falls sick, even though we know that soon we shall recover, if we simply attend to our medical condition properly. This many, lying by the pool, had lost the use of his limbs for 38 years before Christ singled him out from the rest.  God notices, even though it seems like he does not. He notices us in our illnesses, in our fears. Thursday  is my birthday, and each year I feel the shortness of life, and I feel alone, but God notices and walks with me, even though I do not often realize her presence.

attended a rally on same sex marriage; had a group from the University of Santa Clara here tonight. Good group, more guys then girls for a change. They are inquisitive, caring, and i immensely enjoyed them. Their leader tried to cancel an hour before hand because they were “tired” and I lost it with him, reminded him of responsibility etc. He said it made their trip. Served meal and took group out on the street.  Bed at 11, I am not feeling well. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

‘Faith is the last Blessing”

Jn. 4:43-54

seeing as the basis for believing the way we humans function, the way we operate.  we have a difficult time believing in something we do not experience or we do not see ourselves. The Holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel wrote very poignantly about this kind of unbelief when he watched a child hang and the child would not die, because he was too light.  Wiesel wrote: “For more than half an hour he stayed there, struggling between life and death, dying in slow agony under our eyes. And we had to look him full in the face.  He was still alive when I passed in front of him. His tongue was still red; his eyes were not yet glazed. Behind me, I heard the same man asking: Where is God now?” and i heard a voice within me answer him: “Where is He. .He is hanging here on the gallows.”

Faith is a blessing that we have, despite everything the world throws at us, our faith persists when we believe in Christ’s resurrection, without having ever seen His risen body. To have hope in what seems like a hopeless world and to believe it, this is a blessing itself.

went to foodbank, to redwood city to take book to paul, flowers to vicki, lunch with rose and peter, cleaned food and packaged. ran into Jen from Santa Rosa in redwood city. good meeting. she is struggling with her father’s illness and separation from her husband, working on her phd.  it was a meeting i believe that was planned ahead of time, not by us. outreach and bed. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

“Faith In Eternal Life”

March 22-John 3:14-21–

There is no getting around it–we all die. Thursday I will be a year older, and the years are flying by.  My time is coming, sooner than later. It is hard for me to accept the fact I am getting old.  I have been here nearly fifteen years, and the kids I have known since then are older, much older, and what is sad is they have not grown much emotionally, still trying to “trick”,  still acting like they did when i first met them. I think I am growing,  slowly but surer.  Many progressive Christians try to interpret their faith with out eternal life, living in the here and now, but the reality is I can not do that. First–if there is no hope of anything beyond this life then all the suffering I see is in vain, there is no hope to offer; secondly, if there is no hope beyond this life, then life to me would seem in vain, useless, and nothing counts. And so I place my faith in Jesus, and in the eternity that is to come, and continue to work for his reign here on earth. Getting old sucks, it really sucks! I look back, and I really regret nothing–it has been life–life progressing, a journey, the good and the bad times, and I have lived life to its fullest, made a hell of a lot of mistakes, but the reality is, I have kept my eye on the prize and I am growing, and so I guess that is what life is about–continuing to grow on the journey. Someone asked me recently if I regretted not having a “soul mate”, or a “life’s partner”, and at one time I might have, but my journey has been one devoted to God, devoted to her service, and God has been the totality of my search and there has been no room for any other, and so I have no regrets. I would not be here if I had a partner, and my guess is my life would be rather boring, but who knows. I live now, I live in the moment, and I give thanks to God for each moment.

Today I simply watched T.V., had dinner with Stephen, and went to bed at 10:00. I am tired, and I suppose depressed over my up coming  birthday.  I will be on the marriage march any ways.  Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

“The Reversal”

March 21, Hos. 6:1-6, Luke 18:9-14

as in so many stories of Jesus, this parable culminates in a reversal: the respectable believer. .competent and accomplished. was rejected, where as the sinner. .disreputable, inadequate, and incompetent. went home justified before God.  to get to the place of humility where we need to be we need only seven words, those mumbled by the tax collector as he stood at a distance and stared at the ground: “O God, be merciful to be a sinner.”  The moment we breathe those words and cast our unadorned selves upon God, we experience His love without conditions or limits. i see the attitude of the  respected believer in so many ways in our society. one way is in the church. today ken, my fellow priest gave a very defensive sermon at a funeral about being old catholic and not roman because the romans there have no respect for him. for me that is frankly unimportant, it is irrelevant. if people accept me, then fine, if not, i dust off my feet. i believe we place so much of our energy into being accepted by the “right” crowd we lose sight of the humility. i am an old catholic priest. i would not be a roman if u paid me a million dollars, if u accept me then fine. it was like when i first came to san francisco, a million years a go now, a woman in minneapolis commented: “who is going to give u the credientials to do the work you want to do?” well, my dear, i simply did it, and do it. my “credentials” are the validity of the work i do, and that is what i stand on.

today was hellar long, mass, funeral, funeral dinner, outreach. two 18 year olds came by, both out, both working, we talked and i enjoyed our time together, but i went to bed a midnight, simply exhausted, i am thinking i am getting old. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

“Loving Our Neighbor”

March 20, Mk. 12:28-34

Jesus told the scribe that the greatest commandment was loving God with all of our heart, which leads us to do everything else–loving our neighbor.  Our neighbor is more than the guy next door, it is everyone in the community.  We are called to follow Christ, which means loving our neighbor. I see that in our communities. I serve a gymoian community in Vallejo, and had a funeral there. My fellow priest went on and on about the gymoians and how they have been oppressed by the whites. I found it strange with me sitting there that he did not consider me in that category.  There is truth in that–whites are oppressive, but so are every other ethnic group at one time or another. It is time we move beyond ethnicity and see Christ in other people, stop seeing the color of our skin. It is time that we love one another, that does not mean we have to like each other–but it does me we work together in mutual respect.

meeting on same sex marriage in Oakland; to Vallejo for funeral home visit, dinner with Ken, and to bed early.

“Just Regular Guy”

Mt. 1:26, 18-21 24  Joseph, Husband of Mary

Little is known of Joseph. He was Mary’s husband, foster father of Jesus. He was also a man of much courage to take in a pregnant woman, a man of faith. I am busy, always on the go, and I wonder if it is all worth it, after all, twenty years from now who will even remember, but I keep on remembering, “suppose it all matters. . ” In God’s time it does matter.

Lunch with Mary Lou; cooked and served meal. Tired, long day tomorrow and Saturday. bed at midnight. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!