Saturday after Thanksgiving

November 2, Rev. 22:1-7; Lk. 21:34-36

saw movie “Milk” today. strange how we still fight the same battles, and how only a few people really stand up for anything, we are so afraid and get beaten down byt he system. ran into styx on the street, hurting from abcess. i have seen so many guys through the years who suffer so unintentionally, and to death itself, the drugs control their every move. reveleation is reminder of the victory that is ultimately in God’s hands, that is what i hope in, what i live in, for the victory is seen in moments now. in the movie the day the church was seen in such a negative way, and in recent weeks with proposition 8 it is so understandable. the Jesus proclaimed is not the Jesus i know, and i get sickly depressed. Dorothy Day talks of cultivating a “holy indifference” to life, to being aware but not letting things bother you, to see people for what they are, yet with love, but not getting so caught u within the drama. that is what i have to do all the time. people hate me, they say things, they never follow through, and so i accept them.  she says: “without prayer we could not continue. as breath is to the body, prayer is to the soul. without it we are smothered by the cares of this place, which seems sometimes like a camp of refugees.”  without prayer, without the eucharist i could not continue day in day out, they sustain me, they give me the hope. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

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Day after Thanksgiving

November 28, 34th Week in Ordinary Time Lk. 21:29-33 20 year old JJ, depressed, struggling with sexuality, speed freak spent some time, very lonely. Justin 24, beedn on streets since he was 12, still trying to make it rich, living with old guy. mike, 30, came by, working in lumber industry in oregon. met him when he was 16 out here, still struggling with drugs, and looks back to the “old days” even though he has a job and a place to live.  attended the  milk memorial last night. reminder to me of the pain that has gone into the journey for freedom for queers, and of the constant struggle for human rights. there will always be this struggle because people for the most part want wealth and privilege, that is why Jesus was crucified. as the scriptures say summer is near as long as we stay with the the struggle. outreach, strange how those guys are a part of my life. bed at 2. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day, November 27; 34th Week in Ordinary Time

Lk. 21:20-28

We are the seeds of our own destruction–our selfishness, our desire for more and more, our destrucitiveness towards others–and Jesus will transform that destruction into his reign.  cooked thanksgiving meal. had lunch with alice at her nursing home; styx came over and spent several hours, developing another abscess; dan came by and i gave him something to eat and  bought him his birthday present.  both rather lost and forlorn on this thanksgiving day. served meal. small crowd, but they found the food good, and the fellowship great on a cool night in hemlock alley. was impatient with a volunteer. the reality is this is what i do, and i need to understand that for my volunteers this is just sort of an after thought, and it is not their focus. in bed by 11:00 p.m. exhausted, simply exhausted. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

34th Week in Ordinary Time

November 26 Lk. 21:12-19

“Through persverance you will possess your own selves.” (19)   is the way. I persevere, fail, but i persevere. even in my most depressed and sad days i seek to persevere and i do get a glimpse of the reigh of God.  i had lunch with mary lou, dinner with joey, did some outreach, prepared thanksgiving meal to cook tomorrow. i find myself feeling a part from my ministerial colleagues, their fancy salaries, houses, and i realize that i do not separate myself from the people i serve, and what i go through they go through in dealing with people. solidarity is hell, but then there is grace. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Tuesday

November 25, Catherine of Alexandria

had proto test today, served meal with ken and rose, had dinner.  did outreach. each person is Jesus, no matter how difficult. people always thinking  Jesus is coming, he is here now.  feeling like i have not done much with my life.  feeling like i have failed. what do i do–needle exchange, feed people–in God’s eyes maybe that is enough. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Thanksgiving Week

November 24, Andrew Dung-L:ac and Companions/Lk. 21:1-4

the elderly woman is a symbol that all we have is God, and that we are to be aware that our horading and our selfishness leads us to destruction. the reality is if everyone in the world shared there would be no hunger or oppression. preparing for a medical test tomorrow, taking the laxative and being patient, no food, clear liquids. 23 year old bobby came by for birthday money and to visit, high as a kite. mike pushed me for money for drugs, and i have no problem saying “no”. the reality is alot of these guys when they are young throw their lives away, and i am not going to help him do that. i ran some errands, bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

November 23, Christ the King

Mt. 25:31-46

this is one of favorites scriptures, it is the one that guides me more than any other. for in it Christ as King really becomes the poor.  In it we have Jesus naming his criteria for eternal life–nothing to do with believing in him–but in how we treat others because he is in them. the kingship of Jesus is in the poor, the crippled, the lame, the worst. i have tried very inadequately to put this into practice. it is what sustains me, and gives me strength after all these years. i see Jesus in each person, and i see Jesus in myself–so broken, and so poor.  had dinner last night with vicki and kevin; outreach; one of the guys was bitching because the only socks i had were women’s. that is all i could find. it is strange these guys have no understanding of how hard it is for me sometimes to get the money for simple things like socks. they think i have so much money. i get really irritated when people who have plenty of money complain and i realize they are so poor spiritually, that i put it all in perspective. bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Cecilia

November 22, Luike 20:27-40

the questions that the sadducces asked evade real issues, they simply keep you away from dealing and facing the main issues in life and the concerns of love and respect for all people.

spent most of day in working on newsletter and just getting away from people and relaxing.

during outreach i encountered 25 plus people. bloc,. 31, and 34 yr old jeremy hanging out, working, still trying to live the life of sex workers and using drugs. several older people grateful for the socks and food. there was an older woman begging and asking for money for her “father”. it was sad to think of her life, and of the poverty and the begging she goes through every day and how she is only one of millions, and yet she is forgotten on the political scene.  bed. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

November 21, Lk. 19:45-48

Jesus drove out the merchants from the temple because they were misusing the temple. churches today have become idols in themselves.  there doors are closed to the thousands of people sleeping on the street, their kitchens are closed.

outrreach last night, some 8o folks. spent several hours with two guys, one 20,. one 19, playing guitar, homeless. bed at 1:00 a.m. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

November 17-20

17:

Lk. 18:35-43

I crove to Porterville to see my uncle who is 91. His body is going, his mind is good, but it is very sad to see him deteriorating and losing who he was. Death is near and he knows it. They call being old the “golden” years–that is a bunch of bull shit. i dread age, i fear age, and like the beggar before Jesus i am crying “have mercy upon me.”  growing old is a reminder that all of our striving for material wealth, for power, position is a waste–life is about relationships and the way we treat people. . what matters is God and the way of the cross which is to serve people. drove to Fresno and spent the night. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

18:   Lk. 19:1-10

we expect our polticians our leaders to be “perfect” but those of us who are like zaccheaus have our past, and it is on the mercy of Jesus that we depend. It is God’s grace that sustains me each day–I am the chief of sinners, and like zacheaus–i need the mercy of Jesus. drove to santa cruz, walked around downtown and very old these days.  i feel scared, tired, and people always pushing me, demanding. i am tired. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

19Lk. 19:11-28

We want to think that we are all saved, but the gospel is clear Jesus expects us to give our best–to be about the business of the reign of God. there is judgment. spent the day reading and took a long walk, and then went to pick up peter for a jazz concert. to bed at 12:30. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

20: Lk. 19:41-44

I weep as Jesus weeps when I see the pain that people cause–for money, for postion–without thought for the welfare of others. i came home last night but stayed in, for i will weep when i encouter the pain and desperation of people. deo gratis! thanks be to God!