January 30, Friday

Heb. 10:32-39: (39)”We are not among those who withdraw and perish, but among those who believe and win personal salvation.”
mK. 4:26-34

money is low–people are cutting back, the needs increase, but i will not withdraw, i will struggle in my call, it is day by day. i will seek to follow in season and out of season.

i walked a couple of miles to see alice in nursing home today. she is 86, fighting the system in her own way. i can’t blame her. even though she is in a nice place, it is not home, and the staff even though congenial are very institutional. when she stops fighting she will die, so fight on old girl! visiting her brings up my own fears of being in nursing home when i get older, and all that goes with it.

outreach till 2:00 a.m. a lot of people partying, and so people staying under cover, but they are there. God is good! deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Thursday, January 29

Heb. 10:19-25; Mk. 4:21-25 “Let us hold to fast to our hope without wavering, because he who promised is faithful.” Heb. 10:19=25. holding fast to the hope, ultimately is all one has. i have found it is either my faith that sustains or my life just goes crazy. i have found many people do drugs because they have no hope, nothing to hold on to, and so it is into holding on to the hope in Christ that i find my sustenance. spent day cooking, served meal, easy night, rather warm, people rather mellow. graham 21 stopped by, and he is living with a new “boy friend”, moved from the 75 year old to the 50 year old. guy is madly in love with him–for now–how long that will last one only knows. he goes from one guy to the other, and always hurt and kicked out.

“Wealth, which leads men the wrong way so often, [should be] seen
less for its own qualities than for the human misery it stands for.
The large rooms of which you are so proud are in fact your shame.
They are big enough to hold crowds — and also big enough to shut
out the voice of the poor! … The poor man cries before your
house, and you pay no attention. There is your brother, naked,
crying, and you stand there, confused over the choice of an
attractive floor covering.”
… St. Ambrose of Milan
Wealth is so destructive, and St. Ambrose describes it right. I have little money, what I have I use for ministry–with no regrets. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 28, Thomas Aquinas

went to foodbank, visited alice in nursing home, she seems in better space; outreach. several have been out there as long as i have been here. they are older, grayer, still trying to get by, still into drugs, accepted where they are. the younger ones have hope, at least hope of making money and having someone take care of them. life seems so endless and pointless–dog eating dog. hopefully my moments with them are signs of hope and resurrection. each day as i celebrate the Eucharist, i am reminded of the resurrection and that is my hope. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Heb. 10:1-10; Mk. 3:31-35; January 27, Anglea Merici

i spent day cooking. steven, 26, came by before i went out. he is hustling, living with a guy in one room, not happy, pushes the guy, want last long. served meal to about 45 people. chilly. the darker it got, the colder it got. people complaining that several meals have ceased to function. things are getting tighter, people do not have money or time to serve meals. went out to eat and came home and did outreach. “sue” still panhandling, refusing to go to youth shelter because her boyfriend is too old, so she will suffer on the streets; people in doorways, very chilly. bar is half full, guys making play for their guy. seems like an endless cycle sometimes. tired, bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 26, 2 Tim. 1:1-9; J, 3:22-30, Timothy and Titus

Both apostles we celebrate today was as human as the rest of us–and yet they proclaimed the gospel above all. rented storage today–250.00 a month, really scary that kind of money going out, but for fourteen thousand blankets and the need i can not do otherwise. it is going to be a step of faith. several other large agencies have refused the blankets–not enough staff or space–but there is such a need. took a long walk. during outreach, james and sue lost their baby, went off to do drugs before i had time to really talk to them, sad, but again, life on the streets is tough. people with normal lives can hide their pain, and their fears, but when you are out on the streets, u see life like it really is–very, very tough, and death at hand. still have cold, went to bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 25, 3rd Sunday in Epiphany, Mk. 1:14-20

18 year old sean was sitting outside at 2 in morning without a blanket, lost, lonely, i put him on my floor, and then put him on a bus to ukiah this morning. he was simply lost down here, not as much fun as he thought. he is 18, on his own journey, struggling to find who the hell he is, on the streets, pot head. went home and rested with cold, had dinner with stephen, watched PRAYERS FOR BOBBY. story of gay kid who committed suicide and his fundamentalist mother’s journey to being a gay activist. sad, i cried, reminds me of my journey. come follow me is the message of Jesus, and i have tried to follow him since i was 12. it is in following him that i have found my true meaning. thinking this morning of people who have partners and realize that my path has always been to follow Jesus, to be single, have no time for a partner. that has been my destiny. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Saturday, January 24 Frances de Sales Mk. 3:20-21

i had lunch with vicki, got a haircut, and went and saw “Che”, four hour movie about Che Guvarro. I disagree with his tactics of violence, but i do agree with his revolution and support for the poor. there is an article in the paper about bolivia and it is the same as it was then. we in the usa live in a protective world. the poorest of the poor have access to basic health care, and yet we complain and bitch, and the rich gather their money and horde it when many are suffering.Jesus was out of his mind because he loved humanity and respected all of life, and yet that is what makes us human is our caring for each other. ran into sean, 18 down here from ukiah. stranded, alone. i let him sleep on my floor and put him on a bus. some would say he is a stupid kid, who “chooses” to be homeless–well that maybe–but he is still a kid in need. people are at my door for food, many work–do they choose this, no. i am going to store fourteen thousand blankets, not knowing where the money is coming from to pay for the storage, but it will come. Jesus came to make us truly human in the caring and respect for our human brothers and sisters. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 23, Mk. 3:13-19

rainy, cool today. i am still struggling with cold. i paid bills, worked on different office stuff, getting place for 14000 blankets. it is going to be expensive, but i feel i need to get the blankets, so many people need them. i went and saw REVOLUNTIONARY ROAD, sad movie, and i thought of how even if i had stayed in the parish my life would have wound up with the same lack of meaning, and how lucky i am for willing to take the risks. life is about risks. we lead to security and money so often that we lose a sense of what life is about. i find that with kids. they are adventurous, take chances, risk takers, involved in social consciousness,up until about thirty, and then they decide to make the “money” and they are essentially dead. that is why i prefer working with younger people. on the streets it is the same–there is hope until about 30, but after that they are “dead to life.” i did outreach. people needing socks that were dry and food, always makes me feel like i am doing something worthwhile, and i went to bed early with the cold. the passage is about the calling of the 12, i feel like i follow in their line. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 22, Vincent, Heb. 7:25-8:6; Mk. 3:7-12

The Gospel has Jesus inundated with people wanting their needs met; we are a needy people, and there is so much need; i find myself inundated day in and day out with the same neediness. Last night Graham 21, came by, on heroine, wanting me to go with him to methodone clinic, but that is just the tip of the ice berg. he will continue to use until he gets those inner needs met; chris, 31, been on street since he was 17, married, wife died, back on the streets, again constant empty need; What does one do? run away–no–one seeks to be Christ, to the best of one’s ability, acknowledging that that need will never go away–there will always be people who are so poor, so desperate, and rich who grab for money that it hurts others, but one can hope in the resurrection, have faith that God will ultimately bring all those needs to fruition. it is day by day, step by step.. i spent the night in sonoma, and walked around to the historic sites–i thought of how all these people lived short lives, and yet they conquered for money, and oppressed the native americans–again our desperation and neediness. had lunch with susan, and came home. stayed in because of cold–graham, chris, came by, and went to bed early. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

January 21, Agnes, Heb. 7:1-3, 15-17; Mk. 3:1-6

“a priest in the order of Mechesidez. .” i have always held this passage as a part of my heritage–it means alot–my priesthood dates back to abraham. went to sonoma, to rest, to have a meeting with a clergy tomorrow. got a room in an hotel dating back to 1872, great room; took along hike; saw SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, read BOX CAR SERIAL KILLER. both put into contrast the wealth around me, the thoughts of people that all is well, and that things would get better if those people just get jobs. both pointed out the disparity of wealth, of the greed, and of the pain of people. the box car serial killer pointed out a culture that exists that we do not acknowledge, and that i see every day. to bed. deo gratis! thanks be to God!