No One Notices

No One Notices

Matthew 5:13-16

“Unfortunately,  no one notices your tears.

No one notices your sadness.

No one notices your pain.

But everyone notices your mistakes.”

This quote is one of the truest quotes I have found in a long time. It says it like it is. In the last few months people have never noticed my tears, pain but they notice my mistakes, and I make a hundred mistakes to my one good thing.  I have hundreds, if not thousands I am a friend to, but have probably one or two if any, that I see as my friend.

There is a quote I picked up in New Orleans that says: “A friend is one who sees through your act and enjoys the show,” and few people see through my act. They run. To enjoy the show is to see a person very wounded, very vulnerable, and who sees in that vulnerability and woundedness the goodness, the softness, and the giving. To see them as a person who makes a hell of a lot of mistakes, but who cares for you regardless.

It is easier to see people’s faults and mistakes because we do not have to look at our own, and it easier to not see their vulnerability since it would make us look at our own. I listened to a homeless person this morning crying in emotional pain, and I see myself in that person, it is not easy, but is how we show our humanness.

The “ism’s we use: ageism, sexism, racism, etc. are a means of categorizing people. it puts them down, and is a way of control and manipulation. They are a means of showing a person as faulty.  When someone tells me I am “not getting any younger” in trying to help me, that ends any chance of them helping me. I have interviewed people and they have used an “ism’ and that ends the interview.   That is ageism period. When someone makes critical remarks of the age of the friends who have helped me more than anyone, I nail them to the wall, that is ageism. Using “ism’s” is a way of finding fault with people, and making them easier to understand and handle. It is a put down, it is wrong.

My vulnerability is all over the place right now. I am unsure of myself, my work, feel like I hurt my friends, I feel like I have no friends most of the time,  I think of suicide, and running away, and I hear about my mistakes. I had to rearrange my funeral service because a person in charge of it felt it was not “appropriate” to have certain people in it and my liturgy was not formal enough. It showed my lack of formality. Among other criticisms. I thought  you  must want me dead, and I also thought I can not do anything right. I am fu’k up even with my own service.

One of my best friends told his mom that “River never judges me,” and frankly that is the truth. I have never judged him,  I see his goodness, his sweetness, and the good he does and is capable of. I will never judge him. There will be plenty of people who will judge, not me.

“Unfortunately,  no one notices your tears.

No one notices your sadness.

No one notices your pain.

But everyone notices your mistakes.”

Fr. River Damien Sims, D.Min.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

http://www.temenos.org

 

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