My Bags Are Packed and Ready to Go!

My Bags Are Packed And I am Ready to God!

Last night at 11:08 p.m. was the anniversary of my brother’s Stacy’s death. He was taking his driving test  the next day and so we were practicing. He skidded, and Stacy died instantly, and I did not receive a scratch. I remember holding his head in my arms as we waited for am ambulance in the small town I served a church in. He was my life, he was the most important person in my life, and he was gone. His  death have shaped my life in good ways and in bad ways. I still blame myself for letting  him talk me into driving so late. And always on this night I see his face in those moment of holding his head.

A minister friend said to me after the funeral: “You now have a choice you can let his death define you in rigid ways, or let it free you into being who you are supposed to be,” and that is what his death did, freed me into living life in the fullness with out judgment, which I am still growing in. It also brought me into dark areas–that is why I live in the gray areas, nothing is black and white.

That is one of the reason’s that on the anniversary of deaths close friends and relatives of people I know I spend time with them, life moves on, but loss never fully does.

I was at a friend’s last night, thinking I could get through the night without crying, and I knew as the time approached, I was going to start crying. So I left. I am glad I left because I stopped on my way home and cried for an hour or so. Until today I never shared one word with them.

At 3:00 a.m. I received a phone call to come to the hospital where a fifty year old with ALS was dying, and I gave him the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and sat by his bed until 6 a.m. when he died. I saw a body ravaged by illness, ravaged to complete destruction. He has no family, his family rejected him because he was gay.

This morning I preached at a church in a fog, with much heaviness hanging over me.

Life is not fair. Scott Peck tells us that when we realize that life is difficult, than we can find enjoyment—life is difficult.

Right now I sit here and feel totally alone, for I feel like I fail with people, especially those I am the closest too, and I do the best that I can, but I feel like I fail.  I have a bag, ready to walk out and just go. Each day I struggle, and each day, I say the Apostle’s Creed and keep on tracking.

But what I do know is that I am good with sitting with people in their suffering, pain, fear, loneliness, and dying, listen, and be present to them.

  Memorial Service for Robert (Bob Reid)

Fern Alley, 1:00 p.m., Monday, May 14, 2018

The Call To Worship:

Affirmation of Faith: (Unison)

“I believe in God the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died and was buried;

he descended to the dead.

On the third day he rose again, he ascended into heaven,

is seated at the right hand of the Father,

and will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life ever lasting. Amen.”

Call to Prayer, Pastoral Prayer, The Lord’s Prayer

Reading of the Holy Scripture: Psalm 23, Selected from John

Remembering Bob—Any one is invited to Share

Prayers

Benediction

Fr. River Damien Sims. D.Min.

http://www.temenos.org

415-305-2124

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: