Journey of Faith

Journey of Faith

Hebrews 11:1-12:3

“..It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

This morning I sat in a restaurant, and simply started crying. Yesterday I received a threat, and I shuttered, because I have one hand and am weak.  I was shaken all night.  I received a letter from a former friend yesterday telling me she was withdrawing her donation-which I knew–I was shaken. I questioned my best friends friendship in texting yesterday, and I was ashamed of myself. I am in constant pain, and I wear out, and I cry. And than I read the Hebrews text and know this is nothing.

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

Last Friday as I came back from a heart arrest from the narcotics I was being given for pain. I was crying, scared, and my doctor wanted to call my homie and I said “No”.  He came into my hospital room as I was crying, and I mentioned how I felt like I was a coward, and he said, “Coward!” you faced this with courage, and with kindness towards us,” and he said, “Why can’t we call your friend?” and I replied, “Too much, he has been with me all the way, don’t want to lose him,” and the doctor replied, “I doubt that Father, you need to trust.”
As I read the epistle I realized how small that is:

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

A friend brought me home the other night and was asking me questions about family, friends, etc, and as I answered them I became depressed. I have little family, and I am not sure about friends. What I know is that when I started this ministry I knew it would consume me, in time I knew it would bring me into danger, and I set my face towards Jerusalem. I know I will probably die in a nursing home alone, or be killed, and this experience is teaching me that in choosing the road less traveled, that is my calling, and I am slowly accepting it. For in following this road my heart grows with all those who travel that path without choosing it. This is my choice. I am slowly embracing this road, slowing and with much pain, and as I do I remember the words of my old Black Nanny when I took my first church–“You have put your hand to the plow, you can not look back, or you die,” and I will not look back.

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

This is not an easy time. People tell me that this was a simple surgery, well with the complications, and the pain, there is no simplicity, it has been and is often hell.  I hear so many people sharing their pain, that I very seldom share my pain, I simply listen, but this is painful as hell. I am weak, but as I grow stronger, am able to do what I have in the past accept cook large meals, anything that puts the weight of a bottle of soda on my arm, and ten pounds on the good arm. So in the coming weeks, all will be well, but now I am limited and in pain, and again, I see it as very, very small in the pain I encounter each day in others. This simply enlarges my compassion.

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

Finally, I have always walked the path less traveled, and what others see as putting themselves out there to much I see as a part of life. I do not see age, culture, economic status, as a way to judge people, I meet them where they are.

For example two of my cheap supports the past months are 18. One I met three years ago, our friendship simply developed through time, and he always says, “we were homies the first time we met,” when he was 15, and he has walked with me through this whole thing, never letting me push him away. I trust him completely.  He is giving me a puppy, which will continually remind me of his care, once he moves on to school, and the other one, I met through the first, and he too walks with me; They both have taken me at my worst, and have given to me more than I could expect,  than their is the attorney, who is the mom of one of my buddies, and she has helped me take a shower, get things organized;  all three different but all three have been with me through this ordeal.

Life is not about separating ourselves from others, but about meeting each other where we are, and caring for them.

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

“There is only one Commandment:

That we are love.

There is only one Gospel:

that we are loved.

Between these truths we live,

and risk and are transformed.”

It means we better get on with it. Strip down, start running–and never quit! . .Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. . .He put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever..”

Fr. River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

http://www.temenos.org

punkpriest1@gmail.com

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