Love

Love

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

I gave the excuse to my friend Marilyn to go home to see her grand daughter yesterday. That was my excuse, I went home and cried for hours, just cried. It was funny, I could not stop crying, I just simply cried. Not from pain or fear, simply from my on inability to trust people who care, and I tend to push them away. I am always the strong one, the one who gives,now I need to accept help.

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

One cold, rainy night a number of years ago, sixteen year old, Sam came to my door. He had called me names, even spit on me, in the two months I had known him. He was running a terribly high fever, and I invited him in, and as he was laying down, said, “I was counting on you.” I took care of him for four days.

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

My friend Marilyn, who is nearly 80, flew from Michigan to take care of me. She was my boss, and friend, and cares, regardless of what I say; And I tend to push her away and she keeps coming back.

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

My friend, Matt, wanted to know when he could come in, and visit, and I told him “You are too busy with school and work,” and I bit my tongue, because of all people I want to see him more than any one else. We decided tonight that I was the “Chief of bitc…”. And I have been, through the nearly three years I have known him I have pushed him away many times, he keeps coming back, and tonight I told him that his list will be long when I die in a hundred years and he can read it at my funeral– he keeps coming back..

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

My friend Jacob, who is my homie, has put up with me from Amsterdam to now; and reminds me “you can not walk alone;” I try to push him away and  he is still here–

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

My friend Kevin, who one day listened to me in a Park in Marin, as I cried out my fears, and whom I continue to push away and doubt, and always keeps coming back–

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

My friend, Ethan, who has talked to me on snap chat in the late hours of the night as I ran fever early on and now as I have dealt with fear and pain; he always says “You are loved,” —

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

Vicki and Kevin who have for  years put up with me–

“Love is giving people  the ability to destroy you but trusting they will not.. .”

I am terrified of people seeing my weakness, seeing me not as strong, seeing me not as fun and happy–

but I am still learning that “A friend is one who sees through your act and still enjoys the show.”

The truth is that is all of us–we all are afraid to love.  Jesus loved  and was crucified, for it, and continues to love and calls us to love. He is continually hurt by our rejection and lack of compassion for our brothers and sisters.

He calls us to to give people the ability to destroy us-but trusting they will not, and when they do=to continue to love as he loves, for it is only in loving that we find true life. Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

Fr. River Damien Sims, D.Min. D.S.T.

http://www.temenos.org

415-305-2124

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