Cooking With the Fallen Ones–Matthew

Cooking with the Fallen Ones–Matthew

Feast of St. Matthew

Matthew 9:9-13

Matthew, in our photo, is similar to the Matthew of the gospels. He is an outcast in his society, he has been has sexually abused, used by men; He ran away from home because he was questioning his sexuality. Matt is homeless, and his mask is his way of relating to people around him. And he is fun to be around.

The apostle Matthew, found meaning in Jesus, and lived a life of service, but one of struggle.

I have been ill all week, and had lunch with some friends in Marin and then went to a foot ball game of a friend. My friends at lunch talked about remodeling their house and their plans.  During the middle of the game I felt really ill, and left. As I was leaving the area some adults yelled my name and handed me fifty dollars, and thanked me for “working with those other people.” They left and I threw up.

I do not understand this world, a world in which we see everything. I am afraid even  to take a leak in the Park for fear of being seen by a camera, and yet we can not not feed the person who is at our door, we can not speak to them, we turn our heads away. People have told me I should try to fit in more–and the reality for me to do so would be to sell my soul. I would be dead in my living body.

Shaggy came to my door late last night for  a pair of socks. He had been in jail for a month, and was proud of his new clothes, his clean shaven hair–he had bugs and maggots before–so proud, and was drunk again and going back into his old life. Shaggy deserves to be loved, no matter how he looks, acts, and what he chooses–he deserves to be loved without expectation.

I am often asked if I get lonely–usually I deflect, but the truth is I get lonely as hell, but whether or not there is a God this is my calling.  It is lonely when I can not share my true feelings with people because they would be offended, it is lonely, when I am expected to be different. It is lonely when I give of myself all the time. It is really fucking lonely. But in that loneliness there is grace.

I just found a person to be my power of attorney, who will answer the phone, if called, and she is a great woman, but I laughed to myself, as I confirmed with her yesterday, she does not know me, she thinks  I am crazy and sees me as her eighteen year old son’s friend,  yet she will do it. That takes some balls, and I am grateful. But it is lonely–no family to do it, no close friends.

The world is fallen, will never be different, but  Matthew’s call is one to all of us, a call  to look at ourselves and reach out and see people not as the “other”, but as ourselves. For you see we are all the “other”.

Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

+Fr. River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164



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