Holy Innocents

December 28 “Holy Innocents” Matt. 2:13-23 St.John

Technically Sunday is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, but my mind has been pulled into thinking about it all day. I received a phone call from the aunt of a young man who disappeared three years ago. He was 16 and left the hotel and went to the Haight–and vanished; another called, whose son was 18, and it happened basically in the same way. Every year they call me the day after Christmas to see if I have seen their boys. And I think back through the years to all those I have known who have disappeared in the same way. I think of Matt, who would be around 34 now, ran away from home and was coming to see me–he never made it, and his parents received post cards from Thailand and Hong Kong, and then nothing.–in the years following it tore his family a part, the parents divorced, one other sibling committed suicide, another is struggles with depression, and the mother does the same.

The list goes on and on, and tonight I can not sleep, my heart is simply torn to pieces hearing the pain, and the anguish. I see their faces, I hear their pain, and they are simply a few among the millions through out the world.

Parents want the police to do more–but their are so many missing, and who run a way there is not enough man power, that is the reality. People ignore the possibility of sex trafficking–but I have looked it in the face for so long that for me it is a reality, but most people turn their heads away. All I can do is simply hold up the hope found in the Risen Christ. That is all that holds me together.

We enter into the darkness, live in the night–and in so doing we can not be afraid, but trust in Christ, that is all I know to do. All my education of coping, and boundaries around co-dependence went out the door along time ago, for the artificial walls we put around ourselves to close off the pain ultimately destroys us, for I have found that in sharing that pain, feeling that pain I am more alive, closer to Jesus than I when t I put the gates around it. For in feeling that pain, walking in the night–you come to learn from the heart that Christ lives and their is resurrection.

These are just thoughts on my own pain, my own journey. And tonight I feel the pain, I am really ragged around the edges, and in not sleeping I will pray for Alex, and Matt, and Sean, and all the others known and unknown. I will cry for them, I will cry for their parents, and I will give thanks to Christ for being present. Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

“This is dreadful! Not only the suffering and death of the animals, but that man suppresses in himself, unnecessarily, the highest spiritual capacity—that of sympathy and pity towards living creatures like himself—and by violating his own feelings becomes cruel.”
~ Leo Tolstoy

One Response to “Holy Innocents”

  1. gina cappello Says:

    Peace and blessings my friend.

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