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January 25, Feast of St. Paul Acts 9:1-22; Mk. 16:15-18

 

Last night I reflected on the past 19 years as I came home from the Haight, totally exhausted.  I had spent five hours centering on people–one young guy turns 19 tomorrow and I bought him dinner and he cried about being alone and I said I would take him to a movie and he brightened; another found out he has HIV and he is terrified; and so my afternoon went.

 

 I have been told through the years that I am difficult to work with–and I am–to work with me means you center with your total being on another person for the time you are with that person, putting your own issues behind you.  The reality is I have never found my life difficult or lonely, painful yes, very painful, but that is the cross–for like St. Paul this is my calling, not my work, but my calling–and so whatever comes with it makes life worth living. I was once told that there was “a mystery about you–your focus, and it scares people,” and I know what that is–I am focused on my calling–and everything else comes second.  And as I look back–=I have only one regret–I can not live the years over.

One thing that was interesting , John, the 19 year old commented he was hired to work on a chicken factory and he could not kill a chicken because they were so  “inhumane”, and I thought to myself how we desensitize ourselves against war, against killing animals by hiding in our little worlds and through packaging and  media—it is said how we hide from the reality of life, as Dr. Will Tuttle puts it:

“Disconnecting and desensitizing in comfort is not the same as inner peace, which is the fruit of awareness and of living in alignment with the understanding that comes from this awareness.” Dr. Will Tuttle

Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

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