first week in advent

December 3,Mt. 3:29-37 took train to moutainview for spiritual direction.car in shop, had to pick up stuff for meal. frustrating day on addresses for newsletter, still working on it. styx came by, just crazy with his needs, i do not feel like i dealt with him very well, but he is all over theplace. justin showed up for an hour needing needles etc., john, showed up for the same. it seemed like just one person after another pushing in. matt, came to door, crazy out of his mind. and so my night went.  people see me do the meals and assume that is all i do, they have no idea of the day to day stuff that i do, outreach, the one on one  stuff, it gets crazy some days. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

tUESDAY

December 2 LK. 10:21-24

everyone wants to help–but when it comes down to it, they find it hard to put their energy into others, to let themselves be pushed beyond themselves. i have  a person who always wants to “help” and then something gets in the way==where he is not able to push beyond himself, and makes it stressful. people have trouble see beyond the meal to the person. that is why i do the meals for the most part alone, people promise to show, they forget and never call, everything becomes second to the meal–to them it is just a meal–not serving the individual. tonight i had an older nurse giving flu shots and she commented: “this is why i do not like being here very much–there is to much suffering.”  i do have more than most of these guys, and yet i give them everything i have. it is when we hold back that suffeirng bothers us. when we enter into the suffering, it becomes our life. we are called to enter into the lives of people. car trouble, took a while to get home and get car inshop. bed at 1.deo gratis! thanks be to God!

First Week in Advent

December 1 Mt. 8:5-11 went to the doctor, went and saw alice. she is struggling at 86 with simply coming to terms with her new stage in life; went out to beach to look for shells, high tide could not find any, got soaking wet, had to buy some new jeans before i went to russ and pam’s for dinner. dinner with russ and pam, known them for a long time now, since i met their son when he was fourteen , fourteen years ago. they have been faithful friends. came home and watched tv and to bed. the gospel is a reminder none of us are worthy, but that Jesus cares for us regardless. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

First Sunday in Advent

November 30 first sunday in advent mk. 3:33-37

advent is a time of hope–but it is a reminder that hope brings with it responsiblity and judgment. it is  a call to action. we are called to be the Christ to the world, to become the living presence of Jesus. Spent day at half moon bay with counsin mike, took a long walk on the beach. home to tv and bed. deo gratis!thanks be to God!

Saturday after Thanksgiving

November 2, Rev. 22:1-7; Lk. 21:34-36

saw movie “Milk” today. strange how we still fight the same battles, and how only a few people really stand up for anything, we are so afraid and get beaten down byt he system. ran into styx on the street, hurting from abcess. i have seen so many guys through the years who suffer so unintentionally, and to death itself, the drugs control their every move. reveleation is reminder of the victory that is ultimately in God’s hands, that is what i hope in, what i live in, for the victory is seen in moments now. in the movie the day the church was seen in such a negative way, and in recent weeks with proposition 8 it is so understandable. the Jesus proclaimed is not the Jesus i know, and i get sickly depressed. Dorothy Day talks of cultivating a “holy indifference” to life, to being aware but not letting things bother you, to see people for what they are, yet with love, but not getting so caught u within the drama. that is what i have to do all the time. people hate me, they say things, they never follow through, and so i accept them.  she says: “without prayer we could not continue. as breath is to the body, prayer is to the soul. without it we are smothered by the cares of this place, which seems sometimes like a camp of refugees.”  without prayer, without the eucharist i could not continue day in day out, they sustain me, they give me the hope. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Day after Thanksgiving

November 28, 34th Week in Ordinary Time Lk. 21:29-33 20 year old JJ, depressed, struggling with sexuality, speed freak spent some time, very lonely. Justin 24, beedn on streets since he was 12, still trying to make it rich, living with old guy. mike, 30, came by, working in lumber industry in oregon. met him when he was 16 out here, still struggling with drugs, and looks back to the “old days” even though he has a job and a place to live.  attended the  milk memorial last night. reminder to me of the pain that has gone into the journey for freedom for queers, and of the constant struggle for human rights. there will always be this struggle because people for the most part want wealth and privilege, that is why Jesus was crucified. as the scriptures say summer is near as long as we stay with the the struggle. outreach, strange how those guys are a part of my life. bed at 2. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day, November 27; 34th Week in Ordinary Time

Lk. 21:20-28

We are the seeds of our own destruction–our selfishness, our desire for more and more, our destrucitiveness towards others–and Jesus will transform that destruction into his reign.  cooked thanksgiving meal. had lunch with alice at her nursing home; styx came over and spent several hours, developing another abscess; dan came by and i gave him something to eat and  bought him his birthday present.  both rather lost and forlorn on this thanksgiving day. served meal. small crowd, but they found the food good, and the fellowship great on a cool night in hemlock alley. was impatient with a volunteer. the reality is this is what i do, and i need to understand that for my volunteers this is just sort of an after thought, and it is not their focus. in bed by 11:00 p.m. exhausted, simply exhausted. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

34th Week in Ordinary Time

November 26 Lk. 21:12-19

“Through persverance you will possess your own selves.” (19)   is the way. I persevere, fail, but i persevere. even in my most depressed and sad days i seek to persevere and i do get a glimpse of the reigh of God.  i had lunch with mary lou, dinner with joey, did some outreach, prepared thanksgiving meal to cook tomorrow. i find myself feeling a part from my ministerial colleagues, their fancy salaries, houses, and i realize that i do not separate myself from the people i serve, and what i go through they go through in dealing with people. solidarity is hell, but then there is grace. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Tuesday

November 25, Catherine of Alexandria

had proto test today, served meal with ken and rose, had dinner.  did outreach. each person is Jesus, no matter how difficult. people always thinking  Jesus is coming, he is here now.  feeling like i have not done much with my life.  feeling like i have failed. what do i do–needle exchange, feed people–in God’s eyes maybe that is enough. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Thanksgiving Week

November 24, Andrew Dung-L:ac and Companions/Lk. 21:1-4

the elderly woman is a symbol that all we have is God, and that we are to be aware that our horading and our selfishness leads us to destruction. the reality is if everyone in the world shared there would be no hunger or oppression. preparing for a medical test tomorrow, taking the laxative and being patient, no food, clear liquids. 23 year old bobby came by for birthday money and to visit, high as a kite. mike pushed me for money for drugs, and i have no problem saying “no”. the reality is alot of these guys when they are young throw their lives away, and i am not going to help him do that. i ran some errands, bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!