December 30

Luke 2:36-40

lunch with jorgenson’s, spent afternoon watching tv, resting. dinner with roy. he is 65. i am finding that one can see life as linear and be depressed as you get older, and look back and moan and groan, or take it one day at a time. the things in my past that i have regreted are gone, just that, at a stage when i knew no better, so let them go, what i have is now, and so i live in the present. i am far happier, far more contented, and life is far more enjoyable.. the promise of Jesus has come, and the main change his coming makes is he gives us hope, and for me he is the only hope in the midst of the world. it killed him, he rose, and so that is our hope. people change very little. to bed at midnight. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Monday

December 29, Thomas Becket

Lk. 2:22-35

i am taking this week off; but i basically have to leave town to be “off”, always someone wanting something. spent afternoon and night with A, 19, goes to school in madrid, great guy. finds me i am sure rather odd, i do not fit any stereotypes, but what the fuck. trying to find out who the hell he is. reminds me of my own journey in many ways. we went to the gaza ralley. i go to very few ralleys, primarily because it is a bunch of middle class people, with out much insight into the poverty around them, and my activism is spent on the street. people often think when i am feeding people i am not being an activist, but that is straight activism. being present with people that have little presence in their lives, giving them food, when few people do, and giving them food when it is against the law to feed people on the streets. i do my activism day in and day out, and it is not very clean at times. enjoyed having A, he was a bright spot for me this new year’s week. bed at 11:30 p.m. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

December 28

Gen. 15:1-6; 31:1-3; Heb. 11:8, 11-12, 17-19, Lk. 2:22-40

time off, came home from santa cruz, afternoon reading,dinner with stephen, bed early, just plain lazy. today is the feast of the holy family–we portray the family as perfect, and as in a good space, but they have come back from being threatened, joesph has no job, mary is still struggling with the fact she conceived out of wedlock, so holy, but not out of trouble, the beauty of the gospel, one can see all the struggles of life in the lives of the people. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Saturday

December 27

Feast of John

I Jn. 1:1-4; Jn. 20:1-8

went to santa cruz, spent the night, watched tv, walked downtown. relaxing. staying to myself this week, i am physically, and emotionally exhausting. people are always asking me for stuff and i am tired, just plain tired. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

December 26

December 26

Feast of St. Stephen Acts 6:8-10; 7:54-59, Mt. 10:17-22

taking time off. went to movies and saw Valkakria and Doubt. both excellent movies, what it means to follow your conscience, and the state of the church and how hypocritical and judgmental the church can be. on the feast of st. stephen we should be thinking of the cost of our faith-the price we pay when we stand up for the gospel, instead for the most part people just see the church as social fellowship, and the church remains a closed door building, isolating people because of economic and racial situations. quiet day, peaceful. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

The Feast of Christmas

Christmas Day–December 25

Is. 52:7-10 Jn. 1:1-18

The Word became flesh and moves in our midst. Today is the fifteenth christmas in san francisco. and on these streets not much has changed–buildings have, but the need has not. i am fifteen years older, even though i really do not feel it. or i might a little. fifteen years ago i had dreams of “an agency”, how hilarius, for all i still do is hang out, one by one, talking and being with people. it is in that hanging out that i meet the christ each day, the gifts i give are given to him-in the rags, the anger, i meet jesus. very few at meal on polk, but all appreciative of food and gifts. too the remainder of food to the haight and gave it out. people were appreciative and it was late and cold. met a young man, who goes to school in madrid giving out gifts. got the money for gifts from his dad, sweet, caring kid. came home and went to bed. great, awesome christmas! deo gratis! thanks be to God!

December 24

December 24

made three hospital calls in san francisco, went to vallejo, made three calls. one woman is dying, family very upset. christmas eve mass. below is my meditation. went out on streets with gifts etc. i am very tired, but it has been a damn good day. deo gratis! thanks be to God!
A DROP OF WATER IN THE WINE–CHRIST SHARING OUR HUMANITY

Each week we participate in mass, each day I celebrate mass, and each time a drop of water is placed in the wine with these words: “By the mystery of this water and wine, may we come to share in the divinity of Christ who humbled himself to share our humanity.” That drop of water is the sharing of our humanity with that of Jesus. Tonight at this Feast we are sharing in the divinity of Christ. God comes in our midst, he becomes human, to walk with us.

And that sounds beautiful. Just plain beautiful, on this night of nights. A baby is born, a new life comes into the world–and in him God is present. But when you get down to the nitty gritty of the matter, the nuts and bolts I find it frightening and scary. Tonight we will share in food and fun, we all have a place over our head, all have food, and we think of Jesus in terms of life after death, of eternal life. But for most of the world life is not easy. I think of Dan who is sitting in front of Walgreens panhandling, with a damp blanket, I think of Betty in Golden Gate Park, with only a sleeping bag. I think of the multitudes of people in the world who have far less–who are starving and suffering. And I think of the those who have so much, they fight to hold on to it holding so many in the bondage of poverty.

This baby is born with the hope of a God who has seen people suffer over and over through the years, and offering the hope of a better life, a life of promise, a life of the divine. And like the preceding generations people try to dash that hope–and Jesus is crucified–but God does not give up, he rises again and continues to hold hope in the human race-with the promise of life to come.

Last week I watched the movie THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL. It was a movie about how a man comes to earth to destroy the human race in order to give the earth a chance to rebirth, redevelop and grow a new. He encounters a woman in whom he finds the promise of what humans can do and he stops the destruction.

There is promise in each one of us to be the resurrection, and that is the promise that the drop of water in the wine holds for us tonight–Christ shares our humanity, and as we receive him into ourselves he lives within each one of us–so that as we leave here we leave with the promise of the new born Christ to the world. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!

December 23

Mal. 3:1-4, 23-34, Lk. 1:57-66

spent day cooking. susan came in and helped, and spent evening, great time. andrew came to visit, have not seen him since school started, great seeing him. evan came by for some help, and support. served meal, great night, blankets and socks to give out, good spirit. came home and had dinner with susan and to bed. deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Monday

I S. 1:24=28; Lk. 1:46-56

went to the foodbank; lunch with mary lou. she is 78, is in good health, and yet she is so unhappy. she is fighting a rent raise which is minute, always unhappy about something at church, sleeps in the cold, for fear of spending money on heat, constantly complaining, when she should rejoice each day in her health, in her friends, in another day of life. i find myself exhausted when i am done, just exhausted. people who have what they need always so greedy, always so needy. i have a priest friend who has plenty of money, yet he is never happy, always “broke”, yet he is going to Europe, just complains. i see people on the street without homes, without insurance and i simply cry, and i lose my patience with people who have it all. i read in the the paper about the money the mayors wife spends on jury etc, and i cry–no sense of senstivity to the basic needs of people.. went to see “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and found the movie to speak to where we are today–greedy, and destroying our environment–and yet there is hope. came home, and to bed at midnight. very tired., deo gratis! thanks be to God!

Sunday

Lk. 1:26-38

rainy day. made hospital calls–bobby, styx, gave them their xmas gifts. both struggling with their abscesses, both know it is a continuous cycle, but do not know how to get off of it. people say quitting dope is easy–it is easy to start, but to quit, that is a whole new ball game, almost impossible.. visited alice in nursing home. reading article’s against church and christianity because of the stand on gays, and it hit me that when you are sick, old, near death, none of that matters–all that matters is Jesus, not how humans interpret. i anointed all with holy oils, and the other shit does not matter, it is the presence of Jesus that matters. dinner with stephen. outreach, took blankets out. ran into gary, known him since he was 13, commented to me how much i have meant to him, he is 26 now. i often wonder what use is what i do–a meal here, a blanket here or there, a lot of time talking, but again it is in the presence. deo gratis! thanks be to God!